Why Is It Hard to Let Go of The Past and Feel Good About Yourself

Why it is hard to let go and feel good about yourself

A painful experience, an unpleasant memory, a toxic relationship, or betrayal are all things that people struggle to let go. A person or situation in your past can make you feel angry, heavy-hearted, and resentful. These unresolved emotions show up in the body as fatigue, irritability, confusion. And although you are tired, you may not sleep well at night. A voice inside of you says, “I don’t feel like myself. I want my life back and to feel happy again.” Why is it hard to let go of the past and feel good about yourself?

Maybe you think to yourself, “I will not let them off the hook. Or, “It just is not fair.” Or, “I am right!” Or your subconscious mind is still processing what you should have said, done or thought. Some people blame others. The story you tell yourself can lead you further away from healing.

What Is the Past?

Here is what is essential to understand the past. Buddha said, “Everything in the past is an illusion, and everything in the future is an illusion. The only reality is happening now.” The memory of the past is an illusion and only exists in the invisible world of energy. The actual events are the events. As humans, we cannot change what has already happened. Perhaps there is something you can learn about yourself and others.

The Energy of the Past.

A train roaring down the tracks cannot slow down unless the brakes are applied. To stop, the train engineer may need to pump the brakes several times. Eventually, the train slows down. Once the train comes to a stop, it can shift to a new track. Humans also need to slow down and arrive at neutral to change directions.

Your repetitive thoughts can be like that train. When you hold an idea in your awareness, the frequency of that thought connects to the universal consciousness. Learn more about energy laws. One of the energy laws is ‘like vibrations attract like vibrations.’ Therefore, your idea matches the same frequency in the universe. The universe responds by sending the vibration back to you. You receive the electromagnetic charge as a sensation or an emotion. The loop goes on and on building intensity like a runaway train until you break the cycle and create a new thought.

The Past, Is the Past, Right?

It may be true that you experienced a trauma, a tragic event, an illness, a death, or a loss. The salubrious trail of the event is in your energy system. The more you replay the event, the stronger the energetic hold becomes. You are a beautiful being of light. Love, peace, and happiness are your birthrights.

How Do You Process Events In Your Life?

Perhaps you learned as a child that you should not show your emotions, so you stuff them down or run away, hide, tell our version to distort the truth sinking us further into a lie and existence that harms our soul

Do you replay scenarios over and over in your head? And recount decisions, actions, and words that you say every day? Where do you focus your thoughts in general? The truth is when you focus on problems. You create dis-ease in your life. If this is your nature, then you resist the flow of life? Individuals who generally flow through the daily ebbs and flow of life tend to do better at letting the past go.

Here Is How To Let Go.

The first thing you have to do is identify what is truly holding you back. This step is hard because it requires that you know yourself. The second step is to acknowledge that the situational details are not necessary. To discover the silver lining, consider what you learned about yourself?

For example, you are angry at a partner for ending your relationship. On deep reflection, you may realize that the relationship was not working for you either. Now you are alone and wonder if you will ever have a fulfilling relationship. The fear of starting over adds to the confusion of letting the past go. Sometimes holding on to the past distracts you from seeing a truth about you. Your fear of failure or lack of self-confidence may be at the core of your healing. It is complicated. The truth is — ultimately only you can heal yourself.

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” Buddha

It is an inside job to heal, to make whole. Can you grasp the concept that everything is energy? And energy is moving. So, you can move it out. It is your responsibility to heal yourself. Do not allow negative thoughts to rob you of the happiness you deserve. A daily experience of being in the moment builds the muscle memory needed to let things go.  The tools to let go of the past require practice. So, try letting go of the small stuff every day. Notice how you have more positive energy and feel happier.

Break the Cycle.

The practice of meditation helps you to arrive at the present moment. Try to quiet your mind and imagine your life without the charge from the past. At this moment, witness the experience from a neutral standpoint. A renewed sense of calm allows you to reflect on why it is so important to hold on to the past. What lesson can you learn about yourself?

“Imagine that every person in the world is enlightened but you. They are all your teachers, each doing just the right things to help you.” Buddha

Whatever you learned about yourself is important. It is not about the other person, place, or situation. It is always about you. Therefore, self-reflection is helpful. For example, instead of saying, “They betrayed me.” Consider how important it is to be loyal, honest, and truthful and to expect the same in others. An understanding of your value helps you to set healthy boundaries with yourself and others. All experiences on earth are to gain knowledge about your strengths and vulnerabilities. Sometimes unpleasant decisions and misfortunes can be our best teachers.

Do You Feel Good About Yourself?

If not, most likely, you are disconnected from the vital source of self. Does your heart know it is time to move forward with your life? It is hard, and the truth is that it is just plain hard to let go and believe in yourself. The recurrent thoughts often mix with the notion, if I let it go, then it wasn’t that important. You or the other person were not valued. Or that it was a waste of time, and a lost opportunity. If stuck in the past, you may think you protect yourself. It takes courage to try new experiences.  Fear can set in so that you may hide in the past. This illusion creates a fantasy that you are safe from rejection, ridicule, or failure. If we are closed off, we don’t have to risk trying new things.


One of the reasons people hold on to the past is because it is familiar. You have heard the saying, “I prefer the devil, I know, over the one I don’t know.” It takes courage to move forward. Fatigue, bitterness, lack of connection to self all keep you stuck in a pattern. The longer you remain in an unhealthy habit, the harder it is to move on. Take an easy step.

The repetitive thoughts and emotions have formed deep groves in your psyche. Have you ever wondered what the payoff is of dwelling on situations that are long gone? An inner dialogue about what went wrong and how you are hurt can cripple your ability to move on. You may think that moving on means letting the other person, place, or thing off the hook. Or you may admit that you are the wrong one. The truth about moving on is that it releases you from a low vibration that saps your life force. Most likely, the event in your life resolved in some way. The world continues to turn — why not you?

A Universal Truth.

Relationship loss, job loss, death, sickness, and trauma are not either right and wrong. Or good and bad in the field of universal consciousness. We are all one having an earth experience. Your lessons are sometimes like a tsunami creating disruption and havoc in your life. Although not welcome, awakening to your inner spirit can be a blessing. The silver lining may not be apparent for weeks, months, or decades. One day you will wake up, and you will understand the valuable lesson you learned about who you are.

How Do You Know It Is Time to Let The Past Go?

You know it is time when you are not happy anymore. And simple joys allude you. The energy you spend to hold on to the past is energy that is not available to build the future you truly desire. The source of the difficulty to let go heals with loving self. Then you can create new pathways to draw toward you that which nourishes you.

The cycle of life – it is essential for health and well-being to move through the past, learn, and grow so that you can align with your nature, and nature itself. It is the grand cycle of life, and when we view our experiences as our teachers, we grow, evolve, and heal.

Your body tells you when to move on, too. Stomach aches, headaches, overeating, under-eating, yelling at cars in traffic are signs. Who is the crazy person inside of you? When you step back and review your experiences of the day, reflect on what went well and what you would like to be different.

What Makes You Feel Good About Yourself?

A sunrise, child playing, a call from a friend, lunch with a coworker These are things that people enjoy and build connectedness. A walk in the woods or on the beach may be the medicine you need. Mother Nature is always available.

How to Feel Good About Yourself?

I invite you to be willing to change and to love yourself enough to make it a priority. At this moment, say to yourself, “I release the criticism, doubt, fear, blame, and shame from my past.” I choose to love myself and forgive myself for wanting things to be different.

Whether your experience if from last week or a decade ago, consider if you can release wat no longer serves you. When it does, you will reconnect with an excellent source of your vital energy.


“I am where I am supposed to be. All past experiences led me to who I am today. Today I choose to love myself as I am and be at peace with my life as it is. I choose to move forward, loving myself.”

At first, it may seem awkward to speak to yourself in this loving, respectful way. I invite you to try it. My wish for you is that you do not struggle to live but decide to thrive. It is a conscious choice when you let go of the past. And allow new opportunities to present themselves so that you can share your gifts with the people you love.

If you notice your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes are rooted in the past, please consider embracing your authentic essence and let go of the past. I have been teaching people to let go of the past, heal, and find happiness for decades – all by learning to collaborate with the energy laws and their unique essence of light. Contact me to schedule an energy healing session to let go of the past. Kathi Pickett, RN CHTP

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